Funny Quotes of the Day

[Symphix]

Just have some fun by giving us a laugh, chuckle or scowl (who does that anyway) with a quote/s that you feel is funny.

The Scarlet Pimpernel is the most overrated human being since Judas Iscariot won the A.D. 31 Best Disciple Competition. - Edmund E. Blackadder, Esquire from Blackadder the Third

[Stingray]

my health class. Sadly I don't think I could post any of the stuff here.

[Mike Arcanum]

Hitler's dead. I'm the next best thing.

[Kichsuu]

Her-I farted on you!
Me- I farted better!

[MicroRave]

"Hello City Garbage Disposal, You Chuck it We Truck It!"

[MicroRave]

"I want to go on that ride daddy!"
"me too son!"

[Symphix]

Theatre is acting. Acting is theatre. Theatre is not theatre cause that would be silly.

[Oamfrog]

teacher: this is a symbol in the book
Emry: I dont think it is
Teacher: it is
Emry: I dont think so
teacher: yes, it is
Emry: it doesnt seem like a symbol
teacher: well its symbol
Emry: well, I dont think it is
teacher: DAMN IT EMRY it's a symbol!
--------
Mr. F: kay guys enough of looking at the fire trucks going down the street, lets focus on algebra. OH MY GOD! look how fast that police car just went!! awsome!

[MicroRave]

"soldier: HELLO I NEED YOUR TO CONNECT ME TO THE PENTAGON"
"indian guy: sir the attitude isn't making anythnig better, I need you to speak very calmly and clearly ok?"
"soldier: JUST CONNECT THE CALL"
"indian guy: also would you be interested in a premium plan?"
"soldier: I don't have time for this I'm in the middle of a WAR!"

LOL

[Oamfrog]

Me: *doing homework* okay, I have to use the word Likeliness in a sentanc....WHEN THE HELL WOULD YOU USE THAT WORD?!
Cory: *pokes me* POKE
Em: let her be, she's doing her homework!
Cory: *bugs me for 10 more minutes*
Me: Okay I have to use the word marriage in a sentance! "I will never commit to marriage with Cory because he is annoying!"
Cary: thats bad gramar
Em: OH MY GOD! She actually wrote it in the space!
------
and it stayed my answer

[GeminiProverb]

Me: Repeat after me.
My Brother: Okay..
Me: I-am-wee-todd-ed
Brother: I-am-wee-todd-ed
Me: Now say it 3 times fast and eventually you should exactly feel like what you just said...

[Oamfrog]

Kerry: Ya, I was watching the punch bowls like a hawk! there's no WAY anyone could have spiked 'em!

*later in court*
pam: oh yeah, we totally spiked the puch. TONS OF TIMES! It wasnt too hard either. man was I hammered...
--------------------
*in the arbys drivethrough*
me: mom, I thought we were eating healthy...
mom: we are, but its okay to eat out somtimes. *joking* we cant stop cold turkey
me: my sandwich has cold turkey on it...
mom: *laughs* your a dork!

[#1_Geek]

god,I miss you my dorky BFF ^_^

at lunch

me: Hey,you were the person I promised my book to next,right?
friend: 'cause it makes my nose all sticky...

(She had been responding to ny friends question as to why she doesnt just lick her Ice Cream container,but still funny none-the-less)

[Oamfrog]

In mock trial, going through the direct:
Lawyer: so how many people were at the party
Defendant: uh....I'm not sure. does it even day that in the affidavate?
Lawyer:ya! It says 85% of the senior class went.
defendant: ya, cause I'm gonna show up like "85% of the senior class went to the party" then I'll be creepy and pull out a pie chart of the senior class "see" then I'll turn the page and it disects the 85% " 45% of the 85% were cool kids 23% boozers 5% losers and 1% me. I take up a whole percent cause I'm fat"
-----
arthur: by chocolate from me
Rory: dont buy it. it wont make you any cooler
*later
me: okay arthur, youve been bugging me for an hour now. I'll buy some chocolate cause I'm cool like that
Rory: I TOLD YOU YOU WONT GET COOLER! does she ever listen?

[#1_Geek]

me and my friend are dorks over IM.end of story

friend: Yah...
friend: I never wanted a pony.
friend: I always wanted a Cobra.
me: I can tell xD
friend: I have this vague felling mother would have gone for the horse.
me: xD lolz
friend: I also wanted an elementa dragon of some sort, but that never worked out.
friend: *elemantal
friend: ek
me: ah well
friend: NOOOO
me: hm?
friend: I Can't sell right!!!
friend: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHhh!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
me: spell?
me: xD where's Louie! xD
friend: Are you insulting my spelling?
friend: Well I'd like to see YOU spell.
friend: Huh? Huh?
me: no,i know I cant spell
friend: YEAH!
friend: OH!
friend: Burned!!!

side note-Louie is her cat.last time she had trouble spelling she tried to get him to spell for her 0_o

[Oamfrog]

Steve (who is the whitest of white): *to a spanish kid* I am very culturaly seasoned. you need to connect to other cultures and learn about them
Me: said captain Caucasian

[simplymusical]

He who laughed last didn't get it. ^^ My favorite Quote. Because I'm always laughing five minutes after the joke was said.

[#1_Geek]

me: Yah,I can see you planning on massacuring 23 people for a brownie...

(my friend likes brownies ^_^)

and from New Moon-

' "Here's to responsibilty" he toasted "Twice a week"
"And reclessness everyday in between" I emphesized. '

[MicroRave]

guy #1: I think I just Sharted
guy# 2: Sharted?
guy #1: Yeah! I just Sh** and Farted at the same time!

[Stingray]

In math class...

Gary (sharpening his pencil): Damn, it won't fit...
Tristan: Oh! Thatswhatshesaid!
Connor:he just couldn't resist...

[Kichsuu]

Me: IIIII'VVEEEEEE GOT......MANGO YOGURT.

OHHH MANGO YOGURT!

MANGO-Y GOODNESS IN YOGURT....form.

Cashier- 0.o I need a new job.

[Oamfrog]

Me: I really wanna get into honors next year! I know! I'll pray to Eddie Izzard! He knows loads about world history and thats the class I wanna get in. *throws hands together* Oh Eddie Izzard, with your powers please help me get into honors Global! And if you could, could you get me into computer graphics too? thankyou....uh....cake or death.....ya....

Libby: who's Eddie Izzard?

Me: a transvestite comedian.

Libby: well thats a ...uh....great person to pray to.....I KNOW! I'll pray to Daniel Radcliff! *throws hands together* PLEASE LET ME PASS ALL MY CLASSES WELL!!!!!

Lizzie: I'm praying to Stephanie Meyer!

Me: well, we're all going to hell.....

[MicroRave]

Kait: So is Lorraine doing a manga for the magazine?
Nik: Nah she's doing fanart. She won't do manga, she's a lazy boob
Kev: heh heh she said boob (he's actually 18 lol)

Nik: *standing in front of movie theatre, talking on phone* So mom are you going to pick us up?
Mom: Really? You're early,
Nik: But it's after nine, you were supposed to be here a while ago
Mom: It's 8:59
Nik: Really? Kaitlen's watch says like, 9:45
Mom: Well it's not nine yet...
Nik: *glares* set your damn cell clock kaitlen.. it's like an hour off
Kait: *smiles innocently*

Kait: lol, that's hilarious *on msn*
Nik: Who you talking to?
Kait: My boyfriend
Nik: You have a boyfriend?
Kait: Apparently, yeah
Nik: Did you meet him at camp?
Kait: No, on msn
Nik: So you didn't know him from before?
Kait: No, he just asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend and I said ok
Nik:oh... uh.... ok

[Oamfrog]

so I lent Ouran Highschool Host Club to my friend Libby and she was texting me about it:
libby:ohmygod. I'm reading about a guy/girl whos anime and is a pimp/whore. What has become of me?

Me: welcome to the world of anime!

Libby: wow...I feel so cool T_T

Me: What? you shouldnt feel cool, somthing must be wrong. The basis of anime fandome is being a loser.

[MicroRave]

Kid: *squirts ketchup, resulting in the 'noise'*

Mom: STOP FARTING THE KETCHUP!!!

lol

*at anime club meeting*

simon/rachel r talking

kev: you two, stop flirting and get over here, it's time for the meeting!!!

[Oamfrog]

Lawyer: so youre wife has short term memory loss?
Othr lawyer: objection, he isnt a specialist and cant answer that.
Lawyer: so, you've been married to your wife since '74 correct?
Knowall: well, yeah. People change. she could be going through menopause or somthing....

*later*
Lawyer:So, at the high school party did you notice anything odd about chris?
Pat: like he said, people change....she could be going through menopause

[MicroRave]

Kevin: So Lorraine isn't doing any manga (the difference is, she's standing right there this time... lol)
Nik: Naw I already said, she's a lazy boob
Kevin: mehehe she said boob

Kait: Do you even know what boob means?
Nik: I'm wearing them?
Kait: No, it means a person's stupid...
Nik: *to lor* HAH! My boobs are smarter than yours (lol)

Son: If she's got friends over, and she's got friends over, can I have friends over?
Father: But you don't have any friends

Kait: *playing halo* I'll drive, you shoot
Nik: *firing turret on a warthog in halo round in circles* DUKES OF HAZZARD

Kait: *playing soul caliber 2*
jacob: oh, oh, pick maxi
nik: mehehe... maxi's a maxi pad

[Oamfrog]

Dont ask for details on this quote

Child: mom, where did I come from?
Mom(not my mom): me and daddy drunk dialed the stork


...TADA! again, dont ask T_T

[Keria]

In health class....

Gah, can't remember: How were we made then?
Teacher: Your parents had fun one night and nine months later, *pop* there you are.
Austin: SO YOU'RE SAYING I'M AN ACCIDENT?!
Me: (an unfortunate one...)
Teacher: *cough* No, no, of course *cough* not.... *cough*

Moosic room... Don't ask. A couple of us were in her class last year, so we play in the back room now.

Teacher: Now remember, the room ain't soundproof. I knowe the dirtiest mouths in this school.

A bit later....

Jason: *to his reed* GET IN THERE, YOU C*** SUCKER! ....Uh-oh.
Me: Sucks to be you...

Lucky enough for him, (though not as funny as iit could have been) she didn't hear him.

JK class. In the circle...
Teacher: So, Blake, what do you want to be when you grow up?
Blake: A police woman.

*next kid*
Teacher: ""
Kid: A fire engine!

All of those: funny at the time. All of those: Not as funny anymore.

[Oamfrog]

R: tree milk
me: soOo
me: huh?!
R: treeeeee milk
R: mmm
me: milk comes in bags in canada o.O
R: O.O
R: WHAAAAT\
Me: yeah, or so I've heard
Me: in school it comes in little bags and then you get gallon bags I geusse
Me: http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/milk3.jpg
Me: see
Me: http://www.stringbean.com/travel/040717a.jpg
Me: better picture
R: hmm
R: powdered milk maybe?
me: maybe, but Im not sure
me: *research*
me: nope, its liquid
R: o.o
me: that is SO COOL!
me: wow, canadians sure know how to live...but its cold *shiver*

the whole conversation was so obscure o_O

[MicroRave]

me: milk comes in bags in canada o.O
R: O.O
R: WHAAAAT\
Me: yeah, or so I've heard
Me: in school it comes in little bags and then you get gallon bags I geusse
Me: http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bl...hics/milk3.jpg (http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/milk3.jpg)
Me: see
Me: http://www.stringbean.com/travel/040717a.jpg
Me: better picture
R: hmm
R: powdered milk maybe?
me: maybe, but Im not sure
me: *research*
me: nope, its liquid
R: o.o
me: that is SO COOL!


(he heh heh... I bet you didn't know we have salt & vinegar flavoured potato chips either... ::):)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Kelvin: You are SOOO LATE that time itself has ended and we are already DEAD!!!

Kelvin: This is full of fail....... and aids

Teacher: haha, the sun's hitting my drink and making shapes :)
all: 0.0
Teacher: I don't appreciate you making fun of my jokes >.>
me: but that's not funny (whole class agreed)
Teacher: well neither are yours >.< (yes that really happened... lol)

[Stingray]

(he heh heh... I bet you didn't know we have salt & vinegar flavoured potato chips either... ::):)

That isn't amazing at all. I have a bag of those, they come everywhere.

[Oamfrog]

(he heh heh... I bet you didn't know we have salt & vinegar flavoured potato chips either... ::):)

)


OH MY GOODNESS I LOVE THOSE!!!!

okay quote:

Kate: Oh, and thats a resteraunt owned by two lezbians.
Dad: Llllllllets go there! They didnt have Lezbian bars in Hawaii!
Kate: I bet they huka.
Dad: I bet they do.
Kate: I also bet there were lezbian bars and you were just stuck with your family.
---------------
Me: yes libby, Im rich enough, Ill get you a game cube T_T
Libby: Really?
Me: do pumpkins come from our mother earth?
Libby: YES!
Me:Well that's completley irrelivant, no I cant afford to get you one.

[GeminiProverb]

Me: Hey Al, how much money is in my bank account right now?

Al: I'm not sure... But I know it's a huge number...

Me: Oh really? Can you give a rough estimate?

Al: Yeah... IT'S OVER 9000!!!!!!!!!!

[#1_Geek]

okay,this isnt a quote,but something we read in Language.My teacher said these were REAL excuse notes xD I doubt they're the real names though...

"Please excuse Jimmy for being.It was his father's fault."

"Please excuse Susy for being absent,she was sick.I had her shot."

"Sorry Johnny wasnt there today.He had teeth pulled from his face."

"Sally will be absent on Friday.We have to go to her funeral."

"Bob was absent because he has loose vowles"

there were acctuall grammer mistakes in most of those,but I just think they were worded funny xD

[Stingray]

IN history class today...

Mr G: Okay, today we'll be learning about a more modern Japanese-
Matt: Nintendo!

[#1_Geek]

in home ec our teacher had some disenfecting spray stuff

teacher: It's says 'gentle enough to use around children,pets,and food.' so you guys can use it and it won't hurt you or the food.And if you had pets here,let's hope you wouldnt,but if you did you could use it near them too.But it kills germs ^_^
some kid im my class: what about Adults?Is it safe for them too?
teacher: I dont know,why dont I spray it on my arm to find out?

so today...

teacher: and it's safe to use around children,food,pets,and adults.

[Oamfrog]

Our Science teacher is amazingly good at drawing and was telling us about his experience3 in art class in college.

Mr D.: so I sat in a room for three hours drawing twice a week. Then there was a rumor floating around that we would be drawing nude models. I thought "thats inmposible. We're eighteen!" So one day I went to class and sat down and saw a woman in a bathrobe. she walked into the center of the room and dropped it. I was shocked, it was the first time I saw a...entire woman.
Class: *laugh* yeah, right, whatever you say, ect.
Mr. D.: So it was a class of mostly girls and like, three guys. So I was drawing everything but...stuff. Like her arm and her knee. Then the next day we had a male model and again, I felt maybe MORE uncomfortable drawing a naked guy.
Class: *giggle fit*
Mr. D.: it gets better. So then the next year I was with my friend who was helping me in the front office when this lady came in and kissed him on the cheek, it was his girlfriend. So I was like "I recognize her from somewhere....OH MY GOD!" it was the model from last year! I didnt have the heart to say "hey, Ive seen your girlfriend naked"
class: *cracking up*

[MicroRave]

http://www.excalibur-nw.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=9053 <-- mature audiences, but funny... some guy went on ragnarok online and wanted to sexually assault a female character, but his english is so terrible, it's enough to make anyone laugh their ass off

normally I don't like this kind of thing, but the mispellings and misinterpretations are hilarious!

[Oamfrog]

http://www.excalibur-nw.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=9053 <-- mature audiences, but funny... some guy went on ragnarok online and wanted to sexually assault a female character, but his english is so terrible, it's enough to make anyone laugh their ass off

normally I don't like this kind of thing, but the mispellings and misinterpretations are hilarious!
couldnt get on. could you message the conversation to me?

[I love (top)]

Yesterday I was driveing home from the park with my little brother, we had just passed a neighbor when he yelled "Look! a Ninja!" XD the guy had on a black jacket and black pants with a yellow belt...and he looked Jewish. so he saw a Jewish Ninja. i found that extremly funny. XD

[Keria]

Haa, I love my school.

Me: Hey, Brad, come read this.
Brad: What?
Me: This: *holds up chart* "I Am Sofa King We Todd Did"
Me: Do you get it?
Brad: ..Yes.
Me: No you didn't. I'll know when you do.
Brad: How?
Me: Just keep this and keep reading it. Trust me.

*Later*
*ringringring*
Me: Hello?
Brad: ...I hate you.


He got it.

[Mike Arcanum]

... I got it on the first try. :(

[Stingray]

took him t hat long to get it?

Not really a quote, but me and Tristan and the Fish were hangin out yesterday and long story short, Fish had a dark line up the center of his face. Fun.

[Beks]

i dont get the sofa king part. I get the we todd did.=(

[simplymusical]

I don't get it...OH OH OH I GET IT. Best trick ever.

[lavamagnablock_97]

i dont get it X________X

[Stingray]

i dont get the sofa king part. I get the we todd did.=(

try it this way: Sofa Kingdom

[Beks]

I still dont get it. JUst tell me what that parts suppose to be.

[simplymusical]

Think OPENLY. ^.^

[Stingray]

nah, I can't.

[lavamagnablock_97]

i dont get it. O___o

[Beks]

I get the retarded part just not sofa king!

[simplymusical]

Nah, It's too good to spoil. Just keep saying it.

[Keria]

It was actually on the chart like this:

I
AM
SOFA KING
WE TODD DID

Get it yet. If we say it, we'll bet banned/warned probably.

[Beks]

OH!!! haha, I get it.

[Stingray]

I'll PM the meaning to you if you want.
EDIT: okay good.

[simplymusical]

Keria, You are brilliant, I have to do that to my friends at school

[Stingray]

what? You think she made that up?

[Keria]

Oh, whoops, no, I didn't make it up.

[simplymusical]

-Shrugs- Doesn't matter. I'm still going to make fun of all my friends.

[Beks]

I don't see how i missed it before.

[simplymusical]

Took me few times don't worry!

[Stingray]

took me one.

[lavamagnablock_97]

i dont get it!

[Kichsuu]

Just say it out loud faster and faster.

Like with "Amish city".

[Stingray]

i dont get it!

you're too young.

[lavamagnablock_97]

shut up

[Oamfrog]

we were talking about the Governer Spitzer thing in class.

Cloe: We should just paint our sign "Welcome to New York The prostitute state"
Me: and instead of a state flag we'll have a pole dancer.

[Keria]

That reminded me of History class last week.

Teacher: So the Filles de Rois would go over seas, and be paid by the king to have children and marry the single men in New France.

Me: *whispering* Why is he teaching us about prostitution?

[Oamfrog]

and THAT reminds me of THIS:

Libby: what is your pets name and the name of **** (its not a swear it has to do with where I live)

Me:I had a cat named smoky. and grandview is *****

Libby: your opera name is Smoky Grandview!

Me: that sounds like I should be a hobo with a big shaggy beard

Lizzie: that's a hooker name right there

Me: IM NOT A HOOKER!

Ryan: haha! Hooker!

Libby: no wonder you get such good grades in science

me: why do people keep saying that T_T Id better be getting more than a 75 if I was.

[Dark Angel]

Quote from my Aunt Linda-

"When I was younger, I always went skinny dipping. Now, I just do the chunky dunk."

[MicroRave]

*phone rings* hello city wh*rehouse, we rang em' cuz we hear you wanted to bang em'

(that's baaaaaaaad XD)

[Vineyard Gurl]

Today: Our school has a dress code.. It sucks, but yeah, every Friday you can wear a school t-shirt... Anyhoo, I missed school pictures yesterday and was supposed to take make-ups. I hate pictures.

Mrs. Myers - "All right, who missed pictures yesterday...? *checks role call* Amber? You need to go to the library and get a make up."

Me - "...... No, I can't."

Mrs. Myers - " ?.... Why not?"

Me - "I'm wearing a school shirt, not dress code."

Mrs. Myers - "*stares puzzled at my dress code shirt, not school shirt* ....... Uh... Yes, you are...?"

Me - "It's an illusion..."

Mrs. Myers - "O____________o"

[Stingray]

Tristan: That's disgusting, you put it in my mouth. I mean, that's what she said, but still...

[#1_Geek]

okay,me and my friend are obseesed with Twilight,and it's an ongoing joke that she's a vampire & I'm a werewolf.That explains the following quote-

Me: Run!Run slow as you can!To run fast as you can would be conspicuous!

[Keria]

Watchin' Friends.

What's her name, Ross' sister:Shut up, the camera adds ten pounds. >:@
Chandler: So exactly how many cameras were actually on you?

[#1_Geek]

my friend: *stops infront of my abruptly*
me: *runs into her* hey! Stop testing Newtons 1st Law of Motion against me!

[Kichsuu]

Me: Here you can borrow my dad's shoes.

Cory: Ooooh these have arch supports.

Me: ........I don't know you.

[#1_Geek]

my neigbor and my mom were being dorks,and apparently my mom tapped on her window and scared her healf to death...

mom: she was just sitting there,like 'if I dont look at it,it'll go away'
neigbor: Yah "if I type 911 will anything happen...?"

[Oamfrog]

Trevor: *takes of leg weights*
Me:
whats that?
Arthur: thats what she said
Me: ...isnt that insulting to you ?
Trevor: You just got burned by a freshman!
Arthur: what do you say to that?
Trevor: you can't you just get burned.
---
other team's lawyer: is it possible you misidentifiyed the car's color?
Paul:well I heard it approaching cause fast cars go zoom-
Lawyer: Is it or is it not possible?
Paul: well anything is possible. like me dieing....right now...
*later*
Cloe: enjoy your b**ls while you have them paul cause Mr. Friend is gonna chop them off for what you did. And Carolin is gonna help.
--
me & My friends: who stole the cookie from the cookie Jar?
Me: Cleon stole the cookie from the cookie jar!
Cleon: oh no you di-int!
Me: Oh yes, yes I did.
Cleon: God stole the cookie from the cookie jar
Gabby:...Who me?

[lavamagnablock_97]

life's tough. deal with it.

[Taills]

Guy under soda machine: Wow... my life is flashing before my eyes. Oh no... heres the part where the soda machine falls on me. Aww...

[Stingray]

Arthur: thats what she said

No. Tristan does that, man.

[RavioliOnWednesdays]

*points to signature*

[Oamfrog]

Mr. F: Okay, did I forget any one?
Alex: you forgot Joe!
Mr. F: Joe? Joe who?
Alex: JOE MAMA!!!

[#1_Geek]

my friend wa trying to figure out what she was smalling (I couldnt small anything...but...)

friend: SHUT UP! I'm trying to sniff here!

[Oamfrog]

Mom was teaching me to use the Swiffer.

Mom: and to scrub you turn it and scrub. You try.
Me: oh thats easy! do you see how fast they do it in commercials!...Holy crap this is hard.
Mom: son't break it T_T
Me: THERE! god, you have to be a ninja to work this thing...,a swiffer Ninja. SWEEFAH NEENJAH!

[Mike Arcanum]

You see, a woman is like a big cake
And you see, there are some cakes that you like
And some that you dont
And some cakes are bigger than others
These are called fat people
And you wanna stay away from them
But some cakes are juuuuuuuust right
But the problem is with the right cake
Is that you must resist the urge to eat it
Because you see, a woman is like a cake
And women dont like being eaten
So dont
I hope you understand now

^Ossie making fun of Jonathan.

[#1_Geek]

Mom was teaching me to use the Swiffer.

Mom: and to scrub you turn it and scrub. You try.
Me: oh thats easy! do you see how fast they do it in commercials!...Holy crap this is hard.
Mom: son't break it T_T
Me: THERE! god, you have to be a ninja to work this thing...,a swiffer Ninja. SWEEFAH NEENJAH!

okay,it's not that hard to work a swiffer Kat-chan xD

my teacher said I'd be late for my own wedding day because apparently I havent been on time for lunch,even though I'm always on time for class.So my friends and I were talking about it at lunch...

friend 1: oh!Can I be your maid oh honor?
me: No,Kat'll probly be my maid of honor.
friend 1: cant you have two?
me: no,but you can be a bridesmade.
friend 2: Can I be a bridesmade?
me: Sure!I'l probly have,like,50 bridesmades...wait,sence when am I getting married anytime soon!?

[Oamfrog]

YAY! I am the bride's made! PWN!

With my 4 year old cousin

C:Get off of the computer, I wanna dance!
Me: okay, go dance.
C: you can't dance in a chair!
My inner monolouge: well you CAN dance in a chair, but I'm not sure how legal that is...

[Stingray]

YAY! I am the bride's made! PWN!

With my 4 year old cousin

C:Get off of the computer, I wanna dance!
Me: okay, go dance.
C: you can't dance in a chair!
My inner monolouge: well you CAN dance in a chair, but I'm not sure how legal that is...
Well the dancer isn't exactly in the chair, you know?
And there's the sit n' skank...

[Oamfrog]

Well the dancer isn't exactly in the chair, you know?
And there's the sit n' skank...

haha, tre true. my mistake.

[#1_Geek]

dad: Over there,the other day I saw a wild turkey in that guy's yard.
me: How do you know it whas wild?
Dad:*joking* 'cause it was partying,and had a beer,and a T-shirt that said 'Let's pary dude'
Mom: and Domestic turkey's are verry proper,and dring tea with they're pinkey's out.


after church yester day my dad was teasing me

me: hey!You cant be mean,we're still on Chruch property!
dad: *steps past parking lot* there,now we're not *lightly hits me with his paper-thing that you get at church..*

[Piroska]

"Mother fruggin' whoosh!" - Me, of course.

[Oamfrog]

Cleon: Have you ever thought of how it would be if one day the meanings of words were switched? Like P**is meant refridgorator and refridgeorator meant P**is. Mom would be like "can you go into the p**is and get me a sandwich?" and I'd say "okay, I'm gonna go into the p**is and get myself a sandwich too"

Me: *giggle*

Cleon: "Stop touching your refridgorator"

Me: the world would be a happier place.

[Stingray]

At dinner...

Dad: You done yours homework, correct?
Me: Yeah
Bro: Yup
Dad: I Won't get calls from no dopey teachers?
Bro Not for homework- er, my behavior is quite good.
Dad(laughing): You're f****d up, boy.

[Kichsuu]

Me- Wanna eat my nuts?
Cory = OK! =D

*grabs nuts from tin*

Tasty! =D

Why are they white and salty? xD xD

Me: I GOT NUTS ON MY FACE!

[Stingray]

I hate when you randomly think of that porn you looked at last night just any time in the day. Oh NO NO NO, I'm in gym class!

i forget who said that now.

He who falls asleep with an itchy butt wakes up with a smelly finger.

[Taills]

"Do you want the mustache on or off?
...
...
...
Too bad."
-Captin Murphy

[MicroRave]

"What are you gonna do with 700 gigabytes of porn?"

"I has 2 floppy discs"

(LAWL :chuck:)

[Lupia]

Me: "Mum! Can I have a pet cockroach for christmas?"

Mum: "Yes, of course you can darling!"

It was the way she said it. Seriously. Everyone cracked up.

[Oamfrog]

We were talking about call of the wild and this dog, buck is in love with this guy John thorton cause he's the nicest owner ever
Ms. Z: so Buck loves John thorton
Emry: That's sick!
Ms. Z: Not THAT kind of love. a different kind of love
Emry: No matter what its sick and its wrong
Ryan: *didnt read the book* whats going on?
Me: we're talking about how buck wants to do the guy in the story
----
Math
Mr. F: Yeah, in highschool when I played dodge ball I was a ball magnet or somthing
class: *silent*
guy in the back of class: *kind of quiet* that's what she said
other guy: dude, no.

[Hoi-Yant]

"You know, when I think underwear, I think panties. I love panties. Mmm~"

"..."

[Kitsune]

"You stole Miranda's toast! Reagan, you jerk."

"Dude, she stole mine."

"Really? Wow, I feel like a total idiot."

"Just get into your emo corner Maddy."

Ah, good times in History class when you get to goof off. :D You probably wouldn't think it's funny unless you heard the whole story.

[Oamfrog]

Take this pregnancy pill! side effects may include fainting, nausia, getting pregnant durring intercoarse, vomiting, heart failure, and problems sleeping.

[Hoi-Yant]

"I don't know! And I don't care! As long as... as long as I learn my education!"

Uttered by your's truly. To make things worse, my principal heard me. There's a moderately long story behind this quote... so none of you will get it. I guess it's just funny for my grammatical error.

[May]

"In triangle F U.................................N"
Ha, gotta love those older women math teachers, especially the ones with a sense of humor.

[Maki Myumi]

My Friend got dumped because her boyfriend found a hotter girl that liked him.

My Friend: I thought my boyfriend was deeper than the ocean floor. He was a poet, and always sent me gorgeous notes in my locker. Turns out, he was so shallow, he was above water...

The funny thing is, she's right... O__O

[applebutterscotch]

This is preety cool and funny.

"I wish men were more like Kleenex, soft, clean, and diposable."
- Cher

[Oamfrog]

*sigh* fanfics for twilight all sound like porn in the description. "she was a farm girl, he had just moved to the town from the big city...and he needed his pitchfork polished."


ITS TRUE!

[#1_Geek]

we were walking the Track in PE...

friend: hey,don't those trees usually have some shade?
me: yah...will you join my in insulting the trees?
friend: no thanks.
me: fine,I will,watch. *glares at trees* [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img].Yah thats right.Just stay there,like you dont care,but I know you do.[img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img].

[Yuri]

Chuck: Up yours

[#1_Geek]

I sat in my friend's front yard and I cot all bit up from Mosquitos,and even a tic.So this is kind of an inside joke because of 2 things
1) we're obsessed with Twilight,and I'm a Werewolf.dont ask
2) we remered the whole K-9 Advantics song that day

me: maybe I need K-9 Advantics...
friend: but that doesnt got mosqitos...
me: uh-huh! *to the tune of the jingle* Fleas,tics MOSQUITOS! and I got bit by 2 of those three things

[Stingray]

I was watching Talk Show with Spike Feresten, and he was coming up with superhero powers and one of em was "The Invisible Comforter. You turn invisible and lay over people when they sleep and they say 'why is it so hot in here'?"

[Oamfrog]

Me: libby, do you ever wish you had...a...a british accent
Libby: "turns to me slowly and gives me a seriouse look* only every god damn day of my life

[danigurl]

I was just hanging out with Sam at his house.

Samuel: My love for you is like diarrhea, I can't hold it in.

One of the best lines ever in my opinion. ^_^

[Hoi-Yant]

Some dude called my Indian friend and I brown rice and white rice, respectively. I laughed. It made sense, in a way, you know, Chinese and Middle Eastern people are both Asians who eat rice?... The Chinese are relatively paler than Middle Eastern people, thus we get to be white rice... while the tanner, darker Middle Eastern people get to be brown rice...

Sigh~ so politically incorrect.

[applebutterscotch]

Harold and Kumar!

[MicroRave]

2 guys are playing pool, and one of them kicks something with his foot. he looks down and sees it's a chunk of wrapped tinfoil, which he guesses must be $200 worth of crack

"holy crap it's a load of [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img]!"

"well dooon't touch iiiiiiiiiit"

"not that kind of [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img]" holds up tin foil "THIS kind of [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img]"

"oh you gonna keep that?" (XD)

[Imitation_Angel]

I was talking with my(Older) friend on the phone while she was watching Naruto...

Me: "So, are you going to the dance tomorrow?"
Her: "Uh huh."
Me: "Who are you going with?"
Her: "Uh huh."
Me: "I bet I know who it is."
Her: "Uh huh"
Me: " ... "
Her:(To the TV) "Naruto!"
Me: "So, you're going to prom with a fictional Character..."
Her: "NO! HE'S NOT FICTIONAL!"

[Oamfrog]

We're learning about minerals!
Mr. D: Okay, next we're gonna talk about cleavage. Didn't think we were gonna get racey did you? Hardness, cleavage, jeez! So yeah, we're talking about cleavage, like plummers cleavage. its how a mineral breaks when you talk about minerals. Now whos ever seen perfect cleavage?

Class: *silence*

Mr d: RIGHT!You've seen a salt mineral!

[Kichsuu]

Man if that was my class Every guy would have screamed a name.

[Kitsune]

Kristina: What happened with Matt? (my dad)
Becca: He fell in a well.
Kristina: *spits chips in my eyes*
Me: Nice. *wipes off eye* So what's going to happen? Lily comes to my mom barking? *as my mom* "What is it Lily? What?! Matt's stuck in a well?
Kristina: Like Lassie?
Me: Yeah! *laughs*
Becca: *laughs* Lassie gets stuck in the well? With Timmy? Then who's going to go bark to tell them that Timmy's stuck in the well? *as Timmy* Mmmm, Lassie you look pretty good right now.
Me and Kristina: .... *burst out laughing*

[Hoi-Yant]

Biology teacher, circa 2005;

"Ok, class, today we're going to talk about the human reproductive organs. I don't anyone laughing or fooling around or else I'll kick you out... now let's begin."

He begins to draw, what seems to be, a penis on the blackboard. The class is completely silent. All of a sudden, the teacher begins to draw bunny ears on the "penis" and says;

"Look, class, it looks like a bunny!"

The class was completely silent. Awkward silence...

[GeminiProverb]

Me: So Al, I get pulled over by a cop today and get a ticket...

Al: Why'd you get pull over?

Me pointing at my muscles: POSSESSION OF GUNS!!!

Al: T_T

[SukiChan]

Suki's Mom- Misuki get down here!
*Suki comes downstairs*
Suki- Yes mom?
Suki's Mom- Try this kimono on right now
*Suki's eye twitches seeing the pink flowery kimono*
Suki- Why? You know I hate pink.
Suki's Mom- Why?! How can you ask of this! Don't you know
Pushwinder is coming over to dinnar tonight?!
(Pushwinder is the son of some rich japanese guy my dad works with, I'm supposed to be arranged to marry him)
Suki-Pushwinder!
*Looks at camera*
Suki- What did I do to deserve this!

That was a real event which totally sucks because once I turn of age I have to actually marry a guy called Pushwinder.

[Stingray]

In German class today...

Kerrigan: Fish, you have a Dickfor on your head
Fish: what?
Kerrigan: You have a dickfor on your head.
Dylan: What's a Dickfor?
Kerrigan: A lot of things.

[Solash]

xD ROFL

[SukiChan]

A frustrated Japanese father vented, "When I was a youngster, I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But in my son's room, he has his own color TV, telephone, computer, and CD player."

"So what do you do?" asked his friend.

"I send him to MY room!" exclaimed the father.

[Oamfrog]

FETCH MY LONG SWORD, HO!

[Stingray]

SO my brother saw me in the hall today and threw a peanut at me and said "You got my nuts in your face". He then took out the bag of peanuts and said "Oh http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png yo, my nut sack is out".

[Solash]

nits? Are they like nuts only smaller?

[Kichsuu]

Yeah like yours. =D

[Oamfrog]

I was with my friends

Lizzie: so ya, some fanfics have 2nd generation twilight. I hate when they dont have a good explaination though

Libby: whats a good explaination?

Lizzie: well one is that Bella's power, when she turns into a vampire, is that she keeps her humanity. So she can have babies

Me: But Edward is dead

Libby: he saved some up

me: But he don't got not swimmers. *makes a swimmy motion with my hands* and if he does theyre all dead. Ew, zombie swimmers

everyone: *cracks up*

Libby: kait, when I have kids I want you to teach them about sex

Me: ya, I want to be a sex ed teacher just so I can talk about swimmers and overies with easter eggs in them...

tell me this isnt the best conversation about twilight EVER


THEN at lunch we somehow got to that again
Me: ya, and sperm will be fat men in spedos

Libby: ew, Kait, you have scarred me into abstainance.

[Kitsune]

Jesse: Cut the cape in half and then we can both have scarves! Sharing is caring!

Me: Not all sharing is good! If some random person came up to me and asked if I wanted AIDS, I'd http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png slap them and say "Hell no!" Wait, YAY! Scarves! WHOOSH!

Jesse: HIV anyone?! *laughs* What the hell is wrong with us?

Me: EVERYTHING IS WRONG WITH US! And no, I don't want that person's HIV.

We seriously need some help. :D

[Ethel]

Here's a quote that I don't find particularly funny... But it is very enlightening. It goes as such: "The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese."

Dear god, please don't say that you "don't understand" just as my brothers have. They don't seem to understand the workings and values of a mouse trap. ;P

[Oamfrog]

RANDOME OUTBURSTS BY ME!

They should make a thin cell phone, I am talking THIN! like, you cant see its profile. They should make it and call it The Purge.
It can hold NO INFORMATION! but hey, its thin. :jackcool:


WHY THE HELL IS PARIS HILTON FAMOUSE?! she needs to die. she is the one baby I would have been fine with being killed! she's like dirt! dirt no one should walk on cause its just way to gross. The only people who should have to have sex with her are hitler and molesters because of all the diseases she has you probably get, like, genital leprasey or somthing just TOUCHING HER!

-----
Mr D: we're not all running around in our scivies (that means underwear)

me: *from being half asleep* okay, my renound, famouse, 40-somthing year old science teacher, who has won tons of awards all over the country did NOT just say "scivies"

[#1_Geek]

my dad and my sister were messing around...

sis: your silly
dad: I'M silly!?Your the one pretending to mow my hair with your hand...

dont ask...

[Kichsuu]

Me- I puke pure rock and roll

Mom - Notes and all?

Me- Hell yea! Yesterday I sneezed and rammstein came out.

[MicroRave]

Spread the love

Claudia: Spread the germs :)

[#1_Geek]

Me: Ohh...thats not me watch stabbing me,it's my pants...0_o

okay,I have pnemonia,so I've been couching like crazy...and yesterday,after karate(I didnt know I was sick,'cause I feel fine...) my friends & I were messing around,and we're FMA obsessed right now..
Me: *coughing* ahh,I'm dying.
*later*
*more couging* okay,thats it.The Gate took my respiratory system.
friend: Then you wouldn't be able to breathe,and you'd die...
me:...well,it took part of it!...?

and there's a sign that says 'Auto Spa and coffe' wich I think is hilarious..
me: *looks at sign*AUTO SPA!!...and coffe

[Oamfrog]

Lets see how many things dad gave me that are bad...Lazy eye, being annoying when I'm hyper,unmanagable hair, huge feet and oh so much more. And he did even give me his height! I chose the wrong day to take a dip in the gene pool.

[MicroRave]

MSN randomness....this sort of thing's been going on alot lately XD



Nakkichi says:
Do you know why I have scars in my face?
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
hotdogs
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
are yummy
Michael Jackpanda says:
u kissed scissorhands
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
with mustards
Nakkichi says:
My dad is an alchoholic
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
eh?
Michael Jackpanda says:
johnny depp is hot
Nakkichi says:
and he doesn't like me much
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
no way >>
Nakkichi says:
so one day
Nakkichi says:
he came to my house
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
ur dad is more a coffee person XD
Nakkichi says:
and my mom was ready
Michael Jackpanda says:
u are the joker?
Nakkichi says:
she has her butcher knife
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
bah
Nakkichi says:
but she has no chance
Nakkichi says:
and I was in the corner crying
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
i have 1 inch thick knitting needle
Michael Jackpanda says:
an your mom is harley quinn
Nakkichi says:
my dad took the butcher knife
Nakkichi says:
and aked me
Nakkichi says:
"WHY SO SERIOUS"
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
LOL
Nakkichi says:
So he carved...a nice little smile in my face
Michael Jackpanda says:
mwahhhaaaa
Nakkichi says:
So Nikki
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
lawl
Nakkichi says:
Allow me to relive this moment
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
JOKER XD
Nakkichi says:
by carving a smile in your face
Nakkichi says:
with a spoon
Michael Jackpanda says:
::):
Nakkichi says:
Hey? Why so serious?
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
i already have one
Michael Jackpanda says:
doble it
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
i can't
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
my face already hurts from the laughter XD
Michael Jackpanda says:
its called a moustache
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
THE LAUGHTER!!!!!
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
so shave it
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
with a bandaid
Michael Jackpanda says:
get a magic marker
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
and draw a spoon
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
on a hotdog
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
and eat it
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
with chocolate
Michael Jackpanda says:
on your butt
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a 6 port USB Hub::::~ says:
and cool whip
Michael Jackpanda says:
mmm

[Oamfrog]

----Comercial---
dad:I love the family tradition
girl: which one?
dad: where we pass our plates to the right
girl: when did that become a tradition?
dad: WHEN YOU ORDERED THAT!
---end commercial-----
my Dad: oh that sneaky http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png ....


HEY HIPPOS!!!!

[MicroRave]

So you know, Jeff Dunham is a ventrilequist... Ahkmed is one of the dummies he uses. He's pretty funny overall... though some of the social issues he touches on are a bit... bold 0___0
-------------------------------------------------
Jeff: So as a suicide bomber you've had training?
Ahkmed: Of course! The suicide bomber training camp.
Jeff: Ah....... Is it a nice facility?
Ahmed: It used to be...
Jeff: What Happened?
Ahkmed: New guy.......
Jeff:.......
Ahkmed: The idiot tried to PRACTCE!!
Jeff: What'd you guys learn from that?
Ahkmed: Location Location Location!
-------------------------------------------------

[Oamfrog]

Dad: you're getting hips! aww she's becoming a woman
My little sis: NOOOOOOO!(she was in a bad mood)
Me: that is SO the right answer!

[Kichsuu]

Me: Ahh! My face itches! It's Fairy's! Fairy's! Of Doom! Their laying waste to my face!!

Friend: Fairy's are getting wasted on your face?

[MicroRave]

Friend: *Scratching lottery ticket*
Mom: Did you win anything?
Friend: Yeah hang on a sec I can't find the D7
Me: What? There's no D in bingo!
Friend: Nevermind, it was an O the whole time... Stupid lottery people...
Me: If you'd figured that out sooner you probably would've won more and we'd all be rich by now... xD

[Shadowlord]

Friend: Hey, wanna hear a joke?
Me: Sure
Friend: Womens Rights
Me: well said

[#1_Geek]

friend: back button,back button....
me: do you have a back button?
friend: yah,here it is
me: what does it do?

*sigh* I have no clue what I was trying to ask...but that's what came out....

[MicroRave]

More MSN Randomnes xD

Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
hey
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
how about
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
take the jog then shower
Boke says:
Ya
Boke says:
I'm putting up my socks now
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
then you get rid of sweaty smell
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
up?
Boke says:
my hair is so sticking though x.x
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
how do you put up socks?
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
you're putting socks in your hair?
Boke says:
You shove your toes in the sock
Boke says:
then you drag UP
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
ah
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
0.0
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
wtf
Boke says:
=D

[Oamfrog]

Me: y'know that commercial with all those songs from the 90's, Buzz Cuts?
Friend: yeah
Me: well I see that lead singer from Everclear, and he has bright blonde hair and bright blue eyes
Friend: Oh yeah
Me: He reminds me of a Hitler youth because of thatbut he does.
Firend: some people would think of those features as "hot"

[#1_Geek]

My friends and I are dorks..

Me: Oh!I just saluted myself...it was kinda cool...

[MicroRave]

Spell racecar backwards
»-(¯`v´¯)-»Jºsîë»-(¯`v´¯)-» says:
racecar
»-(¯`v´¯)-»Jºsîë»-(¯`v´¯)-» says:
COOL
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
xD
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
racecar
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
0.0
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
hols shat
»-(¯`v´¯)-»Jºsîë»-(¯`v´¯)-» says:
halls can http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png?
ﾎ､ﾎ､ﾎ､ says:
Yes they can
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
and they http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png too
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
=D
ﾎ､ﾎ､ﾎ､ says:
overtime
ﾎ､ﾎ､ﾎ､ says:
they collect
»-(¯`v´¯)-»Jºsîë»-(¯`v´¯)-» says:
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Kaoru FTW - Asian TechnoMagic with a7 port USB Hub::::~ says:
points
»-(¯`v´¯)-»Jºsîë»-(¯`v´¯)-» says:
SO WRONG!

[#1_Geek]

You'll only get this if you've played both FMA games...my friend was almost at the end of the second one...

friend: I've got it!Crowly is really Selene!!

[Stingray]

Im history class today, the teacher was talking about his guidelines and like food and stuff and he says
"You can go out like, to the water fountain or something, but don't come back with a Snapple or anything unless you're buying me one."
and then this kid Justin who I don't like too much says
"Is that a viable option?"


Then at lunch This one kid, Connor says at lunch, because we're in the mad crowded lunch with a lot of freshies says "Damn these Freshmen are short. I almost tripped over one of them."

[Maki Myumi]

"Well, when I was a young boy, a crow came to me in my dreams. Then, one day the crow said, "Your Aunt is going to die." I woke up, and by the end of the day, sure enough my Aunt was dead.

Now the crow came back to me a couple nights later and said, "Your father is going to die..." So, naturally I was scared. I ran to my father when I woke up and explained the whole thing. About the Crow, and the Aunt and everything.

Well, when I was finished, he looked spooked. But, he had to go to work. So, he went to work for his eight hours. And when he got home, he looked miserable and dead to the world. So, he went up to my mother and said, "I had the worst day today."

and then my mother said, "You think you had a bad day!? Well, today the mailman dropped dead on the porch!" - Big Fish (Movie)

[MicroRave]

1st Color Studio class on Wednesday, we all walk in and the teacher has some sort of clear plastic covering the floor, and a huge sheet of brown craft paper stuck on top.

Basically, he gives every odd person a bucket of paint, and says "see that? yeah! when you're throwing the paint, don't get it on anybody..."

[The Mop]

Student asks question to teacher, teacher answers:

''I DON'T GIVE A http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png!'' -- in french
Robert Vlaski.

[Oamfrog]

teacher: the tennis court oath was taken on a REAL TENNIS COURT! why?
kid: cause they wanted to play tennis while they thought?
teacher: no, think. there were a lot of people-
guy: cause they needed balls?
teacher: guy!
guy: Im just throwing out thoughts here.

[#1_Geek]

My History teacher is awesome ^_^ here are some things hes said

*talking about Cave Men* So then they had more time to play Mao-Jhong(sp?)

teacher:Know what we're going ton do?Well,what I'd like to do is tske you all outside and destroy you one by one...
girl: I have money!
tacher:interesting...anyone else?
girl2: Wait,are we giving you money to beat us up?Or not to?
Teacher: Not to...Never mind,Thats not what we're doing anyways.

Yes,Go Diego Go was talking about animals eating plants then pooping the seeds.I had to ask my wife to rewing it about three times,she didnt believe me...

What?You've never seen a grown man with a pacifier in his mouth?

Well,my daugher left her pacifier here,wich is why I have it,so my wife had to drive 25 minutes home without it...So,if I'm here Monday,we'll do notes.If I'm not,my funeral's Wednesday...

[Oamfrog]

Lib: Im into band geeks
dad: what?!
Lib: guys from the band
dad: oh, I thought you said Bad geeks so I was like "whats that? a math nerd who doesnt show his work? *sounding kind of like heratio* "heres the answer and you dont need to know how I got it""
----

Mr. M: so my inner beast, the Id, wants me to kill thomas over here, but the sensible part, the ego, says "no, you like your job enough and youre too pretty for jail and you like barnesandNoble so dont so it." so instead I vent by being mercilously mean to thomas and saying I want to kill him in examples then saying I'm kidding. Just kidding thomas.

[#1_Geek]

me: I'm a gentleman!
(dont ask... >.<)


More fun in history...

girl: Wait,I dont get it.How do Dynasties work?
teacher: Okay,your the leader of one dynasty,okay?So I come up to you and I'm like 'Hey,your Dynasty's not doing verry well.You've lost the Madate of Heaven,so I'm going to kill you and take the throne.'
girl: How would you do that?
teacher: I'd have an army backing me up.We'd fight you,and kill you and kick you out.
boy: How do you kill her AND kick her out?


Teacher: So,If I wanted to form an empire with you guys,wich I wouldn't because you'd probably all die, but If I did I'd take you and we'd take over Mr.A's office,and we'd probably get stopped there...But,if we didn't we'd take it over,then go down the hall and take the other teacher's rooms,and our Empire would be this corner of the school.

[OkashiiKitzune]

I have one from my Japanese class... It was only a few weeks into school (so only like 6 Japanese classes into the semester at that point), so nobody really knew anything about anyone in the class. One side of the room was talking about how hard it was to remember the Hiragana characters....

Guy: Why can't we just write in Korean? It would be so much easier!

Friend: YOU'RE KOREAN?! OMG! I LOVE KOREANS!

My new friend who sat behind me happened to overhear the conversation and shouted out her Korean fetish, not realizing she had said it aloud. lol
We all turned to look at her, then cracked up a second later. XD

[Oamfrog]

my grandparents have bees in the basement and refuse to get it done till winter
Aunt C:so I was like "fine mom, I'll get the guy to do it and pay and stuff, You have BEES IN THE BASEMENT!" but shes worried the guy wont have credentials or somthing
Dad: what, is the guy gonna show up in a pooh bear suit "pretend I'm a rain cloud, tut tut looks like rain...."
------------------
we also hit a bat with the car

Dad: *sounding like dracular* dude! I'm totally going to sue you guys!
------
M-chans favorite quote
me: I didnt even know we had a resteraunt there *points out the window at chilis* Not the chilis, HEY! we have a chilis?!

[MicroRave]

(From LFG Webcomic)

Cale: For Gamelon!
Richard: For Pony!
Cale: You can't use that for your battle cry!!
Richard: Why not? You have one.
Cale: Mine's for fallen comrades and lives lost in battle.. *Closest I could get to his actual lecture*
Richard: and Mine's for Ponies...
Cale: That's not-
Richard: *Cuts him off* FOR PONY!!

-------

Gid: Isn't anyone going to ask how he managed to crucify himself?

-------

Gid: What kind of villain is he?
Richard: Noob

[Oamfrog]

In spanish class...
Ms. WR: if you want to get payed well then be a translater
R: Why didnt you become a translator then?
Ms. WR: because Im not that good, and I never really like spanish anyways. I dropped out of the coarse in highschool because it was boring and useless. Then I had to pay for it in college and go in 5 days a week while my other classes were only 2. But I really got a passion for it when I went to spain and met...people. So ya.
R: Oh really? what "people"
Ms. WR: some people learn spanish because they think its beautiful or love the culture or the literature, I liked the men.
--------------
watching charlie brown halloween

Girl: lets go to macies party
kids: yaaaay

my dad: yay, I here she has schnops!

[Stingray]

Locker Room http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png!

Rich: She was wearing a pink shirt and she said hi to me. OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png!

Guy: Who's pregnant?
Guy2: I am!

Guy: Rich! get over here! I'm stealing your pants!

[Oamfrog]

Locker Room http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png!

Rich: She was wearing a pink shirt and she said hi to me. OF COURSE SHE WANTS TO http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png!

Guy: Who's pregnant?
Guy2: I am!

Guy: Rich! get over here! I'm stealing your pants!

the boys locker room is weird :blink:


all us girls do is pretend to think the other is hot and say we want to get with eachother. You decide if I'm kidding or not

[Stingray]

Pants stealing occurs a lot. When people forget their clothes.
And Rich is a fat disgusting person who all the lady types hate. I should have made that clear. He thinks he's shmeksy, which is the stem of all the jokes.

[#1_Geek]

I had to get shots...and I was texting Oam-chan

Oam: For what?
me: I dont know,to prevent some disease I'm sure.
Oam: No,really? I thought they were to give you some disease.Ya know,population controll and all...
me: ...my mom says darn you for figuring out her plan

[MicroRave]

Dad wants to tell his daughter to take a bath, but she can't because it's that 'time' again.

Daughter: Sponge bath?
Dad: Okay but make sure you wash under your arms and your... *gestures* upper...
Daughter: Pits and Tits?
Dad: Yeah that's the one!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dad bought a $1000 car and the daughter paid for half

Daughter: I thought I said no singing!
Dad: It's my car! I can do whatever I want!
Daughter: Wrong! This half is mine, remember? I shouldn't hear you on MY side!
Dad: Yeah well did you see my name on the ownership?
Daughter: Did you see my name on the cheque?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dad: *Farts*
Mom: If I did that I'd http://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.pnghttp://img530.imageshack.us/img530/348/hippocensoroy8.png myself
Dad: *Waits about 10 minutes then farts again.*
Mom: *Laugs out loud but farts.*
Daughter: What was that?
Mom: That was me...
Daughter: Oh... I thought I heard something...
Dad: *Farts louder.*
Daughter: Jesus Christ... No more damn beans!!! *Points at Mom* You either.
Mom: But nobody ate any!!
Daughter: *Waits about 10 minutes and farts louder than both of them*
Mom: *Smells the first one* OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

[Oamfrog]

Ms. S:I need you to give it to me quickly.
L: Thats what she said
Ms. S: *not getting it* THATS RIGHT! thats what I said
Class: *cracks up*
Ms S: what?

[Stingray]

My dad looks at a Ramones CD I got at the Library and says "Only 31 songs? There must be a few long ones."
My parents were into punk back in the day. My dad's a big Clash fan and such.

[#1_Geek]

Oam-chan,I bet this makes you miss your dorkish smart friends,huh?I'm not sure if you know Aaron...

okay,in Math,we're all in partner's because of our desks...

Aaron: *looks at someone behind him,sitting alone* I'll be your partner.I can almost reach you see...*reaches*
teacher: what about Emily? (who sits next to him)
Emily: *dramatic* He's always trying to leave me...is there something wrong with me?
Jhon: *tells har something I couldn't hear*
Emily: Your just jealous of the sweatervest!

then History...He's my favorite teacher xD

teacher: We were going to watch a video about the spartans and how they became men and were horrible to children because it makes me laugh...but I couldn't find it...

[Oamfrog]

Oam-chan,I bet this makes you miss your dorkish smart friends,huh?I'm not sure if you know Aaron...

okay,in Math,we're all in partner's because of our desks...

Aaron: *looks at someone behind him,sitting alone* I'll be your partner.I can almost reach you see...*reaches*
teacher: what about Emily? (who sits next to him)
Emily: *dramatic* He's always trying to leave me...is there something wrong with me?
Jhon: *tells har something I couldn't hear*
Emily: Your just jealous of the sweatervest!



...

AW! John and Emily were the best...;_;

anyways
MOCK TRIAL!

Mr F: yes, beccy and gina are gods. *uses lazer pointer on beccy* god 1 *pointer on gina* god two. combined with me we are the true devine trinity. And sara is a demi-god.
Beccy: the heater that we sit apon is mnt. olympus!

Leander: I'm monotheistic

Mr F: no body cares how much theism you have.

[#1_Geek]

we were watching Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants Two (not as good as the book)

Lena: Gandma, how do you say 'lost pants' in Greek?
Lena's grandma: You Dont!Greek girls don't loose their pants!

and at dinner today we were having a 'math' conversation...I think I lost a few braincells...

Dad: Well, if some old guy a hundred years ago said Pi was 5.99999 infinity -
me: It's 3.14159 etc...
dad: Whatever. But once someone said the world was flat, so Pi's not necesarrily 5.99999 infinity.
me: 3.14159. and Math doesn't change...your quite the philosopher today,huh?
Dad: No,I'm American.
Sister: Ya know what I think Pie is? Yummy.

Dad: And you know, MC Hammer squared is 10...

Dad: You know Einstin's Theory of Relativity,right?
me: *worried* Yah...I guess
Dad: Ya know,like it's the holiday season, so we'll be seeing our relitives tomorow?

[Stingray]

We were talking about Congress in history

Mr. Adams: We just voted in [senator] Lautenberg for his, like, 400th term. He was one of the original signers of the Constitution.

[MicroRave]

Niki: *Just out of life drawing class* They had that male model today...
Kayla: Oh really? *Looks interested*
Niki: Yeah, makes it easier to play 'spot the [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img]'
Kayla: What's spot the [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img]?
Niki: You get 500 points when you spot the [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img] =D
Kayla: What [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img]?
Niki: ANY [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img]! =.=
Kayla: I've never heard of that one...
Niki: I made it up!!
Kayla: *Laughs*
Kira: *Starts snickering two seats over with her headphones still on*

---------------

Teacher #1: *Just came into class to make an announcement in the middle of Teacher #2's lecture* Just so you know, this is the ast week to drop courses without a penalty. That means they won't show on your transcripts. So if you can't understand his class--

Teacher #: *Mockingly* Because it's boring as sin.

*Class cracks up*

Teacher #1: Or if you can't understand the way he dresses--

Teacher #2: Oh CHEAP SHOT Mr. FURRY VEST!!! *Class is rolling on the floor*

Teacher #1: *Is getting all defensive of his fleece vest xD* For your information my mother made this for me!

[#1_Geek]

if you'll refer to two of my post's ago, you'll rember my history teacher complaining about not having that spartn video...?

teacher: Christmas came early! Rember that video I wanted to show you like, a month ago? I found out who had it, so I got the school to buy it on DVD! *holds up box, that says 'The Last stand of the 300' *
student: We're wathing 300!?
teacher: For the last time,no! This is the true story...it's better.


I don't really know how funny it is, but he just sounded so happy....xD

[Stingray]

"Justin thinks he's all tough becuse he used to live in Perth Amboy."

[McPlayer]

eagle eggs posses magical powers

[MicroRave]

Teacher: *Explaining assignment about designing our own business logo* So each of you have to choose a logo that best describes YOU!!!
Student: *Raises Hand*
Teacher: Yes?
Student: I just thought you'd like to know... you're standing behind a podium, in front of a giant 'M' on the projector screen, with your right fist raised...
Teacher: *Realises he's right and slowly puts his arm down*

At this point the class was cracking up xD

[Fanny]

Friend: You play trombone! You don't know about that!
Me: I don't know about that! I play trombone!

Math Professor: So we have this sack, and these balls. There are some red, green, and blue balls. Lets put in three red balls, one green ball, and two blue ba... *teacher pauses, then looks down sheepishly*

[Twix]

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King... and got one.

[MicroRave]

Hmm if Pony ate me... and thats after I was eaten by Panami...

That means Harvest Frog Ate Pony, then Panami, and Panami ate Pony, then Pony ate me. O.o

Frog's tummy must be huge. O.o

Funniest thing I've heard today xD

[Crazy]

"It's okay we won. She's burning to death right next to me."
Kids say the darndest things.

[Oamfrog]

Mr. M: I have a riddle for you. What burns down cities, creats storms, and kills kings, but cannot be seen?

Travis: Ninjas!

[Shadowlord]

Never stick your [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img] in a pudding. It might still be good pudding and you could spend all afternoon explaining that but nobodys gonna eat it because you STUCK YOUR [img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img][img]http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y294/Infernoman/percycensor2anim.gif[/img] IN IT!

-Ben "Yahtzee" Croshaw

[Toue]

For those who don't know I did some radiation therapy this year.

Our physical science teacher: So, if you become irradiated, you're not only killing yourself. You're also killing everyone around you.

Me: I'M SORRY GUYS!

This was followed by a few seconds of silence before there was much laughter and saying "I get it!" Literally.

[Vineyard Gurl]

So.... I am going to tell on myself....

Last night, I barely got through the SuperBowl first half. People were yelling, and toddlers were driving me absolutely CRAZY. I was tired. I was cranky. So, for everyone's benefit, I went into another room to talk to my love-muffin, hoping that he could soothe the beast.
After a couple of minutes, I was no longer cranky, just tired. I didn't want to finsh watching the game, because I was confident in the Steelers ability. I then told my boyfriend:

"Well, baby, I'm getting tired. I'm going to go g---" - Me

"...?" - Him

"I almost said, 'I'm going to go gain some HP'. What the heck is wrong with me?" - Me

"*laughs and taunting of the girlfriend ensues*" - Him

[MicroRave]

"BACK OFF SEXY GUYS, THE GIRL IS TAKEN BY A KICK-ASS BOYFRIEND, DAMMIT! TAKE ME INSTEAD!"

"If you hate prissy girls, paste this in your profile, even if you have an exception for one or two.

If you write self-insertions, AND hook yourself up with the main character, paste this into your profile.

If you are a chocoholic, paste this in your profile.

If you are a pureblood redneck, paste this in your profile.

If you run into a refrigerator door when you're bored out of your mind, paste this into your profile.

If you like to copy and paste things, paste this into your profile.

If your friend likes to call you a son of a biscuit, paste this in your profile.

If you say son of a jollycracker, paste this in your profile.

If you don't know what year you are in, paste this in your profile.

If your best friend sings over the internet, and it drives you nuts, paste this in your profile.

If you and your best friend are like a Reeses Cup, paste this in your profile!

If you call your band director Grandpa, paste this in your profile."

[#1_Geek]

God, I love History class...

M: Can I Have the mouse!?
Sh: No!I want the mouse!
Mr. A: Guys, chill. I have the mouse.


Mr. A: So the Romans got along and played nice for about 200 years. Tomorow we're gonna learn about the people that fought them and made them stop playing nice.
C: The Persians?
Mr. A: *squaky* Wh-what!? The PERSIANS!? What!? You know what, just shut up and put your head on your desk.
Sa: The Spartans?
Mr. A: WHAT? *looks at C* Okay, you've just been saved by his stupider answer.


and math is fun too...

Mrs. W: Don't argue with me, you'll loose.
girl: I bet that's what she tells her husband.
Mrs. W: No, I don't have to tell him because he already knows.

[Vineyard Gurl]

Lunch time... Woot!

Me: O_o? "Where the heck did this pudding come from?!"

[MicroRave]

Hell Explained By A Chemistry Student

The following is an actual question given on a Washington State University chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question.
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.

As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell.

Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.

The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"


LOL

[#1_Geek]

I was watching Twilight with my little sister...

Renee : Are you being safe?
My sister: Well, of course she's not. I mean, the vampire's in her room!

I laughed for about a minute...

Good ol' History...

Mr. A: Skinny, stop molesting Ben!
Madison: I'm not that skinny!!
Mr. A: Notice how she doesn't deny the molesting part?

[Stingray]

kid walks by holding a cactus...
Maty G: Yo Evan, I like your cactus.

I dunno, just sounded a little funny.

[Boy_Tomo_Chan]

I just started laughing a lot reading that sting.

[Stingray]

I know, It's just a weird thing to say.

[MicroRave]

lol

the more you read it, the funnier it gets xD

[JazzieAussie]

My sister misreading the label on one of those inflatable air-mattress things:

"Warning: Not to be used as a flirtation device."

[MicroRave]

"WHO LIVES IN A PINEAPPLE UNDER THE SEA?
RICHARD NIXON!!!"

Taken from Gaia xD

[MicroRave]

Why's it dead? *CPR on thread*

i read this on a myspace bulliten my friend posted... i thought it was funny.. and i think YOU SHOULD TOO D:< xD just kidding...
just thought maybe yall would like a good laugh :3

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[Kichsuu]

I'm still laughing about the cactus.

In the class connect session when you click a button to raise your hand it dings, there were over 200 kids there...

*ding*x50
Teacher:could you please hold all of your questions till the end now then if you look here...
*ding* x70
Teacher: Stop having questions!

[MicroRave]

Best thread title ever: "Where do I get giftrape?"

[Vineyard Gurl]

"Kids are awful. They are just farm animals for the first 6 months, cleaning up poop and feeding them. It gets worse when they develop a will and understand their need for things. Go to Walmart.... You'll see what I mean." - My psych. professor.

I laughed so hard.

[Crazy]

"Opinions are like assholes: everyone's got them."

[Stingray]

"And some really stink"

[MicroRave]

Teacher: Don't lose or break these, or you'll have to replace them.
Student: How much are these calculators worth?
Teacher: More than your life

True story xD

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

Guitar Teacher: Play "A" Chord
Me: Which one?
Guitar Teacher: "A" chord.
Me: Oh...
Guitar Teacher: Hahahahaha


TBH, I just didn't hear him...

Oh, and...

Me: Hey, Dallen, do you have fun with Erik on the bus? And with Pokemon?
Dallen(7 yrs old): No. Erik's lame. And I'm the champion of grades 1-3 in Pokemon.

XD

oh, and also my friend Libbie, her little cousin(who is 4 or 5??), her other cousin and I playing a health trivia game:
Libbie: What are boogers made of? A. Gum in your nose B. Little clam shells in your nose or C. Unwanted things in your nose
Little cousin: Um... GUM!!!
*Libbie and I laughing*
Libbie: Uh, why do you say gum?
Little cousin: Because they're squishy, just like gum!

... o_o

[Stingray]

I was watching The Man With the Golden Gun today, and at one point Bond points his gun at the midget and says "I've never killed a midget before, but there can be a first".
That would not fly today...

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

In school today;
Jesse: "There is SALSA in my TACO SALAD :@"

. . . o_o

And...
Sitting listening to Galaxy music on TV;
Me: "Hey, I first heard Gaslight Anthem on Galaxy"
Mom: "Oh?"
Me: "Yeah!"
*previous song ends*
*'59 Sound by Gaslight Anthem plays*
Me: "Oh. Haha!"

[Kichsuu]

Frog:
I would kill for some ravioli.

Jazz face:
NO HERE TAKE IT
TAKE IT ALL

Frog:
NO I WOULD KILL YOU

Jazz face:
I
OFFER YOU ALL MY RAVIOLO
AND RAVIOLI
AND YOU STILL WOULD KILL ME
HOW NICE

[MicroRave]

Kid on the Viva bus talking to his mom xD

Boy: Moooom? Are you a scientist?
Mom: Yes.
Boy: My friend said that scientists make chemicals, and potions.

(I could barely keep from laughing, it was just so darn cute :cool2:)

[JazzieAussie]

Last week, playing in the driveway where I babysit:

Neighbor Girl: Did you get a new car?
Me: Nah, I just borrowed my dad's since mine's falling apart.
Girl: Oh. Umm, no offense, but your car is reeeally crappy.
Me: Yeeeah, it's really old. It was my grandma's.
4/5-year old neighbor boy: Who's yau gwandma?
Me: Oh, my grandma's dead.
[boy pauses long enough for me to read his mind and start laughing so hard before he even finished]
Boy: Who kayuld hu?

[Ponyprincess]

*Walking home up yet another hill*
L: Ugh Why do we have to live on a hill?
Me: Because life is made of hills
L: O_O Well, how philosophical of you, Toyra!



*Outside "the music place"* (Sells instuments)
L : Oh Know they have ran out of Makala's!!!!!!! (We were planning on buying michaela one on her bday as her nicknames makala xD)

*Looks threw window and bashes head*
Ouch

Me: Laughs all the way home

[Stingray]

'Twas in history class
Joey: What's the biggest nuclear weapon? Like the most powerful?
Mr. Ryalls: I'll get to that in a minute.
Joey: But do you know?
Mr. Ryalls: Yeah, I got one in my desk.

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

At art class
A: "I uh, want to draw/paint two lizards with conjoined tails."
Instructor: "You mean overlapping or intertwined tails??? Hahaaaa."
A: "Ehhh. Conjoined."
Me: "haha..."

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

On the radio yesterday, during a request show:
Lady: "I request Baby by Justin Bieber"
Guy on Radio Station: "We don't play Justin Bieber"

...

[Ponyprincess]

-In a train-

*Spots an automatic toilet door*
Me: OMG the door opens
L : ....Yeah..urm doors tend to open Tara

[Tolby]

You know L?!

[Beks]

I'm pretty sure he's suppose to be dead.

[Solash]

Some quotes from my English class

"Chipotle hurts me, anally"

*We were talking about The Crucible*
Teacher: Then so and so (Can't remember character name) says "I fart on you to another so and so(Again can't remember name). What do you say to that, back in that time how do you respond?"
Kid: "I hope you shart!"

[Ponyprincess]

You know L?!

Ofcourse O_O don't you??




H: Tut, you didn't brush Charlie properly
Me: doesn't matter his just gonna get muddy again
H: But it's not raini- *Pours down with rain suddenly* ...WTF?
*Stares at me*

Me: See :D

[MicroRave]

I wish I had a transcript of it, but some guy wrote into the local radio station about how the Skydome was being moved to a neighboring town. Some other radio show was playing a prank on the air and he fell for it.

[Ponyprincess]

So i went to Cambridge with a bunch of people and went canoing in a river
Me and Dom were in a double canoe, and Dave was in a singal one.

Dave- Lets play chicken
Dom- k
*Rows towards eachother*
dave- K i forfitttt
*Turns around to move out the way*
me- O_O
Dom- http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/9057/hotdogcensor.pnghttp://img266.imageshack.us/img266/9057/hotdogcensor.pnghttp://img266.imageshack.us/img266/9057/hotdogcensor.pnghttp://img266.imageshack.us/img266/9057/hotdogcensor.pngttt we can't stop or turn the canoes to big
*Canoes collide*
Dave- Ahhhh *Canoe tips and falls into water*
G- Whys Dave in the water
R- LOOOOOL
Dave- I hate you all



Guess its kinda one of those, you have to be there things

[Kadydid]

So, me and my friends, three of which were girls, and one of which was a boy were out walking. I'll say they're MG, MM, KJ, and BP.

MG: -bursts out singing Single Ladies by Beyonce-
MM: You know, you wouldn't actually be singing that if you weren't a single lady. You're just sad that you don't have a boyfriend.
KJ: What are you talking about? You don't have a boyfriend either?
MM: Well, that's...
BP: Who just happens to be the guy: -drapes his arms around KJ & MM- Girls girls, no worries, we're all single ladies here.

MG, MM, KJ: o_O
KJ: ...MG isn't...

[Stingray]

My friend Matt related a conversation between two of our friends to me. it went something like this:
Alex: Dude, is that a Phish sweatshirt?
Jeff: Yeah, man.
Alex: What's that on it?
Jeff: It's an antelope.
Alex: What does it mean?
Jeff: It's an antelope.
Alex: But what does that mean?
Jeff: It's an antelope.
Alex: But what does that mean?
Jeff: It's an antelope.

[MicroRave]

D<
how could they took my phone!!!!
DDD<
juz coz i talk too much on the phone
doesnt mean im gonna fail skool!!!!
FUDGE!!!
DDD<
im soo ******** piss rite now!!!
TT-TT
and sad..
.
★ Maybe they want you to have more time to practice on your grammar skills. ★[
o-o
nu way!
D<
i got straigh A and B at skool
TT-TT
they never look at my grade too
y do they care??

lol

[Miyura]

(friend and I were discussing what classes we wanted to take next year)
Me-I want to take sign language!!!
Friend-Sign language is for blind people!
Me-Um... you mean... Deaf people..
Friend-oh... I do...

[Kadydid]

Speaking of Languages... lol. But seriously.

KJ: I hate it when people say you're un-american when you say something. Like, I told my grandpa I didn't like hot dogs and he said I was un-american! And he's originally from Sweden!

HG: Well... it's your fault for not liking hot dogs.

KJ: *glare*

BD: You know what makes you the most un-american of all, Kady?

KJ: Do I dare ask?

BD: We all know you're un-american. You don't like Mexican Restaurants.

[Ponyprincess]

*At my house*

L: Ohh here *Passes invite*
Me: *Opens it* I have a wedding invite :D
Little brother: Tara, who are you gettin married to?
me: O_O Erm..
L: To Me Ofcourseeee!!!!!




Me: What are those things that are wrapped and come either in six or eights?
L: Forrero rochers?
Me: Yeah that!
S: Ok, How could you of possibly known that?


R *says something*
Me and L *Pause and look at eachother*
R: No wait i said that wrong i meant st not s
L: Were you thinking what i was then
Me: Yep, That was a scary moment
L: I know for a second i thought he knew
R: ...?
Me: Phewww that was really close
*Both laugh*
R:... Have i missed something,
S: Yeah, i'm not sure what they are on about either





*Has just woke up so was really sarcastic*

R: My dog rules
Me: I have three dogs so mines better!!!
R:Your mum has four dog
Me: Wow, i didn't know my mum owned you?
L and S: Ohhhhhhhh
S: She got you back there R
R: *stares* I missed it when you were actually nice to people

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

During a group presentation at school today:

"...So blah blah blah did blah blah at the US Capitol*reads off of Smartboard text*.. And so.. blah..."
Girls beside me whispering: "Did you see that? They spelled "Capital wrong."
"Yeah, I know."

Aahaha. XD

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

In french class today:

Teacher: French is so difficult. Like in english, we pluralize things like "Goose" and "Geese" But then "Moose" would still be "Moose" BUT WE SHOULD HAVE "MEESE".
M: Look! A horde of meese! *points*

[Ponyprincess]

*Looking at my dvd's*
Jamie (Brother) *Enters room* " Whatcha doing?
Me: Looking for a dvd to watch
Jamie: Cool... You don't happen to have wild child do you
Me *Raises eyebrow* "Yeah why"?
Jamie "Jade says it's her favorite movie and told me to watch it"
Me: ...Ok *Hands DVD*
Jamie: *Looks at it* "Oh crap"!!

[Ponyprincess]

*Takes Baby Sister down the park with friends*
Random Person *Evilllls*
L: That's like the 5th person to asume your the mum
Me: Silly people
M: *Laughs*
*Girls from school who i haven't seen in ages enter park*
Dawn: *Weird look* "...Is that your baby"
Me: "Yup"
Dawn: *Shocked look* "Really"?
Me: Yup *Walks off laughing*
L: *Laughs* You do relise there's going to be a huge rumour about you now
Me: Pretty much, ^-^ Il just play along!



xD So now i apparently have a daughter

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

Sometime in French class today:
Someone: "What does... e-t mean?"
Someone else: "Can be 'and', 'it' ..."
M: "ET phone home"
A: "ET. Estrial Terrestrial."
M: "No, (A's name). Extra."
Me: *laughs*

[Innray]

My band director:

Director: OK, guys. All y'all, and I too need to get this piece... waitaminute.... did i really just say "all y'all and I too?" Wow. I am so amazingly smart! This is going to be the new band joke!
Friend: I am going home and posting that entire convo on FB. It will be my status.
Me: Well, obviously you have no life.

I think it was funny, anyway.

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

Science class:
Teacher: "I can't find the alcohol and I have this little girl who needs to use some to get some stuff off her hands"
Teacher2: "Oh"
Teacher: "Yeah. 2 eyes are better than one set"
Teacher2: "o_O"
Class who was writing notes: *laughs at both facts*

... Needless to say, I needed to use some alcohol to get some stuff off my hands, and it didn't even work. =/
And 'little girl' D:

[Solash]

My buddy and I were taking a pretest for one of our finals and afterwards he says

" I understand why they call them Finals"

Me: "Why?"

Him: "Because it means F*** I Never Actually Learned this S***!"

[JazzieAussie]

Me (after waiting 20 minutes for girl to get ready so I could give her a ride on my way to work): How does it take that long just to change a shirt?

Girl: Had a lot of ground to cover.



Also, sign in front of a bank or something:
Not a member
Not a problem
Become one today!

[Miyura]

Friend: "Dude, wouldn't it be cool if our school was underwater? And we were mermaids!? I could swim up the stairs without tripping!!!"
Me: "We wouldn't have stairs.... we could just swim straight up where ever we were-"
Friend: "SHUT UP!"

[singing_star]

Class Idiot: Mr. B is finished as student teacher now. His first initial is J... I'll go ask him what his name is!
*leaves room*
*from other room* JENNIFER?!
Friend:?!?!
Me: WE JUST DISCOVERED HIS DARKEST SECRET DDDDX
note:his name is john =P

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

K: So I was watching this little kids movie the yesterday and it was like "This girl -name- just moved in beside me!" "oh?" "And i went over and went and seen if she could play with me" "..." "And then I showed her my lizard!""
Me: *stares; completely speechless*

And...

Radio Announcer: "And this song is off of the bands 3rd debut album!"
*looks at mom*
Me: ".... What?"

[singing_star]

*on the ferry on a school trip in the cafeteria. waiting for my friend to get food, but I got impatient and went to see her*
Her:...I spilled my coke everywhere. I'm getting new food.
Me:... coughidiotcough
*later*
Her: so glad I got new food... *knocks new coke all over my food and floor*
Me: #@%$#%!!!!! hahahahaha!
i'm never traveling with her again XD

[Ponyprincess]

L: OMG DUMMY SHAPED GOBSTOPPERS
*Buys some*

*Later that day*

L: Oh i forgot we bought these *Bites into it hmmm not a thick as i thought
*Bites it again*
-With mouth full-
BUBBLEEUGVW
Me: what?
L: BUBBLE GUM - *Bites it again* *CRUNCH*
OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
Me: You know it's your own fault

[Miyura]

Today in my Law Studies Class, we were pretending to have a court case, and the girl who was the prosecutor said this:
"I believe he should be sentenced to death... to die."

[hArVeStMoOnLuVeR]

In Home Ec today:

Me: You know, A, You should move that cookie over, otherwise if K sees it, she'll tell you to change it...
A: *looks at me strangely*
~2 minutes later while still placing cookies on the tray
~K turns around to see how we are doing
K: A!!!!! MOVE THAT COOKIE OVER.
A: *looks at me* Nice call (H)

[Miyura]

This was in an AIM conversation of me and a friend while I was writing a poem:
Me: Wow, when I reread this, I say it like a rap!
Them: Rape is basically a poem, right?
Me: what???
Them: *rap! TYPO!